Missing Links

I had plans to blog today because one year ago today is the reason that I needed to blog in the first place. My dad has been gone one year. No more days, and hours. It's a complete circle. He's been gone a year.

The more I thought about that, the more I decided I didn't want to blog. So then I remade up my mind, and decided not to blog. All day, I've been in bed, planning to not blog.

I woke up at about 11:30am, walked around the living room and lost my mind.

So then I went back to bed and stayed there until 7pm.

and now here I am, with a re-remade up mind.

I have to say this:

I hate the world with out him. I hate not getting goofy voice mails, I hate not finding random notes with one liners on them, and I hate, hate, hate not hearing that wheezy laugh. You have no idea how empty everything feels. There's a link missing in my family chain, and it was the biggest, strongest link.

This very well may be the worst day I'm ever going to live through.

Just when you think you're healed the wounds rip right back open.
With salt.

Life really IS a series of disappointments.

I am alive.
at the bottom of everything.

Just thought you should know. I blink, I breathe, and I am alive.
going through the motions.

How alive?
i don't know.


Peace be with you.
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