I should be painting the ceiling.
But I'm not.
I have so much on my mind today, that I don't even know where to start. So I'm just going to dive in.
Saturday - Holly and I were on our way back from a baby shower when she said out of no where "I need to call Shelly, I'll invite her over for soup tomorrow or something." Shelly is one of Holly's oldest closest friends. They're the type of friends who can go months without talking and then pick up right where they left off. So she calls Shelly, and they talk the entire hour home, and then some. Once they hang up Holly announces that she is going to head over to Shelly's house to catch up.
So she goes over there, and they talk about everything - specifically Shelly's 19 year old daughter Ali and the struggles she's been going through. Ali had just spent 90 days in a rehabilitation center, turning her life around. Holly stayed there until about 2am and then came home.
Sunday morning - She recounted a lot of their discussions with me. Of course Holly and I could sympathize, we went through the same thing with our brother.
Monday morning - I wake up to a text from Holly asking me if I'm still up. When she finally rolled out of bed she told me that she just couldn't sleep and she had no idea why. Holly went to work, and I set about getting my day organized.
Monday 12 noon - Holly called me: Hysteria in her voice, yelled my name and when I answered "Yeah?" she uttered three little words that have weighed on me ever since.
"Ali is gone."
She had a relapse and it cost her her life. It cost Shelly her daughter.
This is a girl who I've know since she was 10 - and now she's gone because she just didn't have the strength to fight her demons. It all just makes me realize that I need to thank someone. I don't even know who I should be thanking but someone deserves all the love in the world for giving my brother the strength to fight a battle that he had been losing for years. I'm thankful that I don't have to sit up at night and wonder where he's at in Detroit - if he's hungry - if he's alive.
I am so sad for the loss of Ali, but it woke me up that I need to be so thankful that I still have my brother. I've seen him go through things that no 15 year old should ever have to see, but he made it through.
So whoever I need to thank - from my entire being - THANK YOU.
Ali - You can finally be free, you can stop struggling, you can smile again. Spread your wings and fly beautiful girl.
There have been some other things going on also that I've been ignoring because I don't really understand why they're happening or what I can do to fix it. I'm a very confused, and semi lost person these last few weeks.
I can only pray that I get it together soon.
Until next time...