Monday, August 23, 2010


I've just had a very interesting thought.

An acquaintance of mine mentioned something about how today would have been his father's 60th birthday. Now with my dad's would-have-been 57th birthday eight days ago, it got me wondering. I don't know if there is a Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, or an afterlife in general. But if there is, wouldn't you think that the day they were born onto Earth would virtually become obsolete? They're no longer in this place, so would their death date become their new birthday? Their rebirth day?

That's the philosophy that I am going to take on because I know that in 27 days my wounds are going to bust open again and it's going to be a lot to handle. I'm going to coat my hurt in rebirth. My dad IS somewhere, and he won't be sad on September 19th, 2010. He'll be celebrating, something so much better than any of us could imagine.


Monday, August 16, 2010


Hi hello!

What's been going on with my giant fan base? Did you all miss me? I thought so. I know I've skipped a lot this week too, but like I've been saying - life is catching up to me.

It's been a pretty busy week, what with Katelynn's car breaking down every other day, and my dad's birthday being yesterday we barley had time to breathe. We all decided to go the traditional route and still do the BBQ for my dad's birthday. In the middle of it Holly, Angie and myself took off and went to the cemetery where we placed Rylee's dog tag, and a chick-o-stick on my dad and mom's grave. We also decided we would drink a beer there in his honor. Though he would have preferred us to drink a Budweiser, we drank Bud Light, because we have bitch guts. Oh well, it's the thought that counts. However there was a baseball game going on at the field which made it a little awkward. Can you imagine enjoying your child's baseball game and then looking over and seeing three girls drinking beer on a gravestone. Weird.

Fuck 'em though.

Today I got a call from Kim's mom - Mamaw Betty which was a a pleasant semi-surprise. I had emailed her husband in hopes of getting a hold of them, but I wasn't sure if I would be getting a response. I'm glad I did thought because I got to hear a pretty eye opening story from Mamaw and it made me feel a lot better about a lot of things I wonder about. Aside from that she gave me some pretty good advice and I'm just overall happy that I got to speak with her for the first time in over a year.

Once Holly got home from work we went to the Home Depot and got supplies for some projects we're going to knock out tomorrow. I still haven't moved any of my stuff over to the apartment which is another project that could maybe get done tomorrow. I'm not sure how ready I am for that leap though, even though I'm sure Katelynn and Ellen are more than ready to be blessed by my presence on the daily.

Anyway, that's about the only update-able things I have to fill ya'll in on. Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow, but let's be real - it's a slim chance. I'm a slacker, I love life.

See you soon suckas.


Saturday, August 14, 2010

Learning to Cry

Here's my review of Christopher C. Payne's "Learning to Cry."

When I first read the back cover of this book I was pretty excited. I lost my father in September of 2009, and the way the daughter in this book acted reminded me so much of myself as a young teenager. I was prepared to dive into a relationship similar to the one that I've lived through - and that is just what I got, to an extent.

The book was extremely well written but I repeatedly found myself wondering if it was fact or fiction. In a way that was really exciting, the thought of not really knowing, but it was also quite disturbing at times because of the things the daughter, Melissa, puts herself through. The only thing I would say that is negative is the ending. I spent the entire book expecting things to go one way and it ended really oddly. Normally I'm a big fan of twists in a story but this was no twist, it was the story dusting off it's boots and running in the total opposite direction.

All and all this is a heart wrenching story of a father trying to figure out where he lost his little girl, and how to connect with the out of control teenager she had become. Along the way he seems to lose himself, and it takes a major turn of events and several years to realize that his old self will never return.

Thursday, August 12, 2010


I've been having this reoccurring dream.

It always starts off as part of a different dream. That part of the dream is always random and never the same. Then it breaks off to me standing in a random place with a random person. Then I hear a phone ringing only to realize that it's in my hand. So I answer the phone and start walking away from whoever I'm with. As soon as I answer the phone I realize that it's my dad, and I realize that I am someplace beautiful. The first time I dreamt this I was walking through a green grassy meadow with a forest on the other side. When I dreamt this last night I was standing by a river. In the first dream my dad told me that he was okay, and that he was happy. In my dream last night he was asking about my life. He asked me how the townhouse was coming along, and just generally how I was doing. This time around I specifically remember trying not to cry. Usually the dream ends there, but last night it continued. Once I hung up the phone I was talking to my sisters, and Holly told me that she has had Dad call her also. Angie of course got upset and asked why it wasn't happening to her and we told her that because she was more susceptible to the other world, that they didn't want to freak her out. She accepted that answer, and I finally woke up.

I know that I've had this dream on more than two occasions, I just remember these specific two the most. I think it's just weird to me because I've never had reoccurring dreams in my life, and this is not the only one that I've had repeatedly in the last few months. I'm not really sure what to make of it, but it's definitely strange.

But, speaking of my dad I got some pretty crappy news today regarding his car and I'm not entirely sure what to do with it. Hopefully something will get figured out, but I'm really, really sick of rolling with the punches.

Until another time...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010



I'm feeling stressed out, and emotionally conflicted and tired.

Lots of shitty things have been happening lately, and granted - most of them are not happening to me, but I still feel the effects regardless. It sucks, and I'm tired of rolling with the punches. I just want to sleep and ignore the punches for a long while.

Aside from that today I painted my room. It looks awesome and I'm really, really excited to get my stuff in there. I just don't know how long it's going to take seeing as I don't own a truck, or have a lot of friends with trucks.

Something will come along eventually, and I might eventually start blogging regularly again. Life has just really, really caught up with me.

I'm going to see where it's going to take me. I have a feeling that starting Sunday I'm going to be having a pretty hard time. It's my dad's birthday and the one year mark of his death is rapidly approaching. I'm going to just try to keep to myself for a while, and hopefully write thought it. I'll see how it goes.

For now, I will sleep.


Sunday, August 8, 2010

August 8th.

The weirdest thing happened to me just now, and while I don't really believe in fate or purpose, and I'm sure it was just a coincidence - it still hit me like a ton of bricks.

Katelynn has been updating her facebook status all day about her parents wedding anniversary. I've been reading them, not thinking about it much when someone commented about how it's hard to forget 888. Two minutes before that "Wild Horses" came on my shuffle, the song Angie chose to play at my dad's funeral. Then as I read "888" "Seasons in the Sun" came on. The song Aunt Tonya played at my mom's funeral. That's when it hit me, my parents were married on 8878. I know this very well because Holly has several messages from my dad saved on her phone. One of them starts off saying "Good Morning Holly, it's Dad. I just wanted to call and tell you today is August 8th - the day your mother and I got married 31 years ago." I'm not sure what the rest of the message says at this point. It's been a few months since I've listened to it, and there are quite a few so it's hard telling what one says what.

Either way, today is that day. I feel like all of us kids should be together, but of course we're not. We're all more separated than we have ever been and I'm positive that it's dad's loss that's caused it. He's not calling all of us anymore and begging us to come over to dinner or planning a get together. We all are just in a state of stand still being, and that's a terrible thing to be.

It makes me so sad, but I'm going going to make the best of this day. I'll call my brothers and sisters, maybe go visit the grave and then later, because I can't share my parent's anniversary - I will share Katelynn's parent's with them. They're suppose to come over to the apartment later and make us dinner, so it should make up a little bit. It'll all be fine.

Happy 32nd Anniversary Mom and Dad. I know he made sure we'll never forget.


Saturday, August 7, 2010


I missed yesterday again, of course. I don't know how I got to be so bad at this, but I guess life is really catching up with me.

Anyway, yesterday we woke up early and headed to DTE for The Mayhem Festival. We got there at about 11am and immediately started drinking. We hung out in the parking lot until about 3pm and then headed into the festival. It was a completely sold out show so it was freaking PACKED.

We wandered around for a while, waiting in bathroom lines, watching wrestling, and of course watching the side stage bands. At about 5 or 6 we made our way to the lawn to pick a seat to watch the main event. It was pretty amazing, I'm not even going to lie. I had stopped drinking when we went into the venue so that I could drive home, so by the time Korn played we were all good to go. Brad and Holly slept the entire way home and I played Banana Pancakes over and over and sang while driving. It was a lovely time.

I couldn't fall asleep once we got here though because I've had a cold, and I think all the people mixed with the cold air on the hill made it 100 times worse. So needless to say I'm feeling pretty shitty today. It's not fun at all. I've basically laid around all day watching tv, it's been a good time.

Tomorrow Katelynn doesn't get off work until after 3 so we're probably going to get the rest of her stuff into the townhouse after that. We're moving on up in the world.

For now, I am going to read this book by Chris Payne and try not to think about how miserable I am.

See ya soon!


Thursday, August 5, 2010

It's Mayhem.


Today was all right. I started packing, and of course by started packing I really just mean that I folded some clothes. I got about half way through my clothes folding process when Holly called and told me that neither of us had anything to hear to the Mayhem Festival tomorrow. So I hopped right up and Autumn and I went shopping. We found some pretty cute things, and I simply can not wait to wear.

After that we all came home and I took Autumn to her dad's, picked up Hannah and went grocery shopping again. I realize that I just went yesterday but I forgot some key essentials to every day life, and to Mayhem.

So now here I sit, with Hannah blogging, and having a really hard time taking a joke. I don't know what my deal is but I'm a God damned train wreck. I should probably just sleep and be done with it. It's going to be a LONG day around drunk folks tomorrow. LUCKY me.

I'll be back to tell you ALL about it.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010



Today Katelynn and I went to the townhouse to meet up with a potential roommate, waited for like an hour, and she of course didn't show up. So I went grocery shopping for the house and the townhouse and then had to rush home to let the couch cleaner dude inside. After that I sat outside and gave my moral support while Holly mowed the grass, and drank three beers. It was a fantastically good time, let me tell you.

Also I got a book in the mail from Chris Payne. I started reading that while I was outside and I like it a lot so far. Once I'm done he wants me to write a review so I'll post that on here and on

Anyway, for now I'm going to relax and try to pack up some of my things and see how well that goes. But let's be honest I probably won't. The beer is making me sleepy so I will probably just go to sleep.

See ya tomorrow!


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Primaries Day!

Well today was primaries day - and so far, I am pretty damn satisfied.

Virg Bernero and Rick Snyder are the democratic and republican candidates for Michigan governor respectively. For the longest time I was on the fence between voting Democratic or Republican because I was a pretty huge fan of both Bernero and Snyder. So the way I look at it, for the time being, I'm happy either way.

Besides it being primaries day it was also suppose to be Move In day for Katelynn and I. We didn't actually move anything, because we don't ever seem to have any help, but we did go and buy all the necessities, such as shower curtains, dishrags, and stuff like that. I'm getting pretty excited but I'm also pretty freaked out. I know it's in everyone's best interest but it's still a scary situation, especially because we don't have a roommate yet. It'll happen eventually, however it's suppose to.

Anyway, I have a lot of packing and stuff to do so I should probably get off here and get to it or Katelynn will likely drive a stake through my heart tomorrow.

See you then, as long as I haven't been murdered.



So, I haven't blogged in a couple days and I sincerely apologize.

Between getting the keys to the apartment, interviewing potential roommates and watching over my Grandma's house - it just kept slipping my mind. I feel like an asshole, but hey - sometimes life just catches up with you.

I'm obviously going to still try to blog as much as possible but the next few weeks are probably going to be pretty rough. We'll see how it goes.

Anyway, my grandma and aunt finally got home from Vancoover today, so I'm spending the night in my house for the night. I need to make the most of these nights because it won't be much longer and it won't even be my home anymore. That part totally bums me out because I love this house and getting to be around Holly and the girls all the time. It's fine though, it's definitely time for me to spread my wings.

I'm tired now though, we've been playing Scene It! for what feels like hours and I'm definitely over it.

I'll try and be back tomorrow. I really, really will.