Blast Off

Welp,

I'm ready for a nap, or to just sleep in general. I ended up having to take my sister Angie to the doctor this morning, and we sat in that damn waiting room from 10:45am until 12:30pm. She was being sort of loud and obnoxious though, so it ended up being a little bit funny. It was still annoying though.

After that I did some running around, and now I'm just sitting here waiting for Holly to get home with some peppers so we can make dinner together before she heads out for her 8 day trip to paradise. I'm definitely going to miss her, but she seriously deserves a vacation. It'll be well worth it.

On a different note, Grammy is in the hospital again for some heart issues. I'm not entirely sure what's going on with that, but I'd appreciate it if everyone sends good vibes her way. She's amazing and deserves them. I think everything will be all right. I hope so anyway.

I'm pretty sure I hear Holly coming in now though, so I'm going to peace out. I'll be back tomorrow, all by my lonesome.

See ya,
Faith

Terrified

Man,

Today was ridiculous. Angie called off work and Holly was going insane in the office...I kind of just sat there ignoring everyone who came in, waiting for someone to bitch at me. But of course it never happened.

At like 4, Holly and I decided to head home, because Hannah didn't have her key and Autumn was about to get off the bus. So we called Hannah and told her to make sure she was down at the bus stop to get Autumn.

When we turned onto our street Holly got a call from Hannah saying that Autumn's bookbag was on the porch and she was no where to be found.

So we took off around the neighborhood, had everyone out looking and called the police. I have NEVER been more terrified in my life. For 45 minutes, we were completely freaking out. As soon as the police showed up, Autumn called Holly's cell phone and said she was at Hester's house. Hester is the awesome little Asian lady who lives behind us. Apparently Autumn's bus driver was about 10 minutes early, and Autumn came home to the locked doors and no one being here. So she went around back and started talking to Hester who invited her in for some orange juice and pineapple cookies.

As soon as I heard Holly say "Autumn, you're with Hester?" I seriously lost my shit. I don't know what happened but I basically stopped breathing and just balled my eyes out. I have never been so happy in my entire life. I honestly didn't know it was possibly to feel so much fear. For 45 minutes the most horrible thoughts you could imagine ran through my head. I can't even being to think about how PARENTS feel that actually have their kids kidnapped.

It's horrible, and I'm so happy she's okay.

It was pretty stressful, so I think tonight I'm going to just chill with the family, and drink a bloody mary, since this is the last night we'll have with Holly for a WHOLE week. Ahhh!

I'll be back tomorrow!
Faith

The Loss of a Legend

It's a sad, but beautiful day.

Yesterday baseball lost a legend. Ernie Harwell went to announce the biggest game in the sky. It's hard to describe the loss of someone who you feel like you've known your whole life, but who you've only been around a handful of times. I will do my best, because that's what he deserves, our best.

I remember sitting next to my dad in a U of M hospital room last September when I heard the news of Ernie's illness. On the other side of us there was a man with his young wife, receiving chemotherapy. It was his TV that I heard the news on. He looked at me with a sad smile and simply said "What a shame, he's a legend though, so he'll never really die."

I don't remember that mans name, or what kind of cancer he was fighting, but I do remember that he was beating it, and despite being incredibly sick, he was always still smiling and he had the best outlook on life. That man and his simple worlds to me are the first things that popped into my head when I heard the news of Ernie's passing yesterday. Even though I think he probably jocked his words from "The Sandlot," it doesn't even matter because he's right. Detroit grew up with Ernie announcing our baseball, smiling at fans, and always being around. That's not something that has to change, he may be gone, but he is not forgotten. He will never be forgotten, because he's a legend, and our memories of him - well, they will never die.

I've been debating going to the memorial services at Comerica Park tomorrow, but I have some issues with things like that now so I'm not sure it's something I'd be able to walk away from with my emotional stability for the month.

Ernie, may your suffering be gone, and your voice be stronger than ever. Rest in Peace old friend.




This isn't "goodbye," it's "see ya later."
Faith

V

I'm not exactly sure how it happened but last night I turned on the first episode of season one of True Blood. All of season one and two were there so I figured I may as well see what it was all about.

So here I am, almost 24 hours later, and I am completely addicted. I haven't been able to stop watching it. I think I'm only on like episode 9 or something, but still, that's nine hours out of my day that I wasted. I mean, it's really not even that good. I'm thinking if Vampire Diaries involved sex and drugs, it would over power True Blood with a quickness. Plus, I definitely didn't know that True Blood was based after those House of Night/Sookie Stackhouse books, though I think those books are better than The Vampire Diaries. Whatever though, vampires are taking over the media world and I may as well embrace it as much as I can.

For now, I'm probably going to watch episode 9, and clean the kitchen. I suppose I'll be back here tomorrow for your reading pleasure. Hahah

Faith

Ounces

Today has been a day filled with ghost from the past and I think it was days like this that made me start this blog. At first they were every day, and every day I needed to say something, I need to express something. After a while they died down and I started having these days few and far between, but it seems I've been having them an awful lot lately. So just bare with my for a few days.

Last night my sister started talking about taking a walk, sitting on a park bench and talking to Dad and our step mom of 10 years, Kim. I get that, I totally do because I talk to them sometimes myself. I'm not really sure why because I still have a lot of doubt about a lot of things, but I think I'm just selfish and unwilling to believe the things that logic is telling me. I spent the first 15 years of my life just accepting what people told me. I never thought twice about it, until I met someone while I was baking Christmas cookies at my brother's girlfriend's house, and it changed my life.

He became my best friend, a part of my family, and with out ever really knowing it, he taught me to think for myself. So I spent the next five and a half years not believing, and not because anyone told me not to. But because I sat down, read, and realized to my human, clear thinking mind, it didn't make sense, and it never had. I was okay with it, but my family wasn't. It wasn't something that I voiced often and they never took it. My dad was one of the few people who would actually debate it with me though. It was just something that we did sitting at the kitchen table during the late hours of the week days, or on road trips - we'd debate God. I think that he was ultimately disappointed that I had my issues with God, and I think that's part of the reason I am where I am right now.

My dad died seven months ago, and Kim died two months before that. They're gone, and everyone keeps telling me that they're with God now. "They're with God, Faith. They're happy now." After a while, that's just something you start to take. I accepted it because I knew my dad was disappointed in my lack of belief, and because it was easy. It started to be easy to close my mind off to the fact that my dad, the only parent I ever really had, didn't exist in any form anymore. So I took on God, and I liked it. I still hated (and still do) when people start preaching or shunning me because of my previous (and sometimes present) thoughts. I don't like people to tell me what to think, which could possibly be my main issue with religion in the first place.

I'm pretty sure that right now, I need to keep closing off the logical part of my brain. I'm going to keep going to church when I can, mainly because I think it makes Grammy and Aunt Kathy happy, and a little bit because it makes me happy. It makes me feel connected to my dad again, it makes it easier to let go of regrets. I know that there were a few times that I failed him, and though I know he always would forgive anything I did wrong, I just would like to hear him say it and I want to tell him I forgive him too.

I realized this when I was sitting on my bed Saturday morning after getting out of the shower. I was just staring into space thinking about my life, my past. When my eyes focused I realized I was staring at the memory board we made for his funeral that had a huge picture of him in the middle and space around the edges for people to write little messages. When I focused more I realized I was staring at the note my brother Ollie wrote and it simply said:

"I wouldn't have had it any other way, Dad."

I love my dad, and I miss him everyday. I know he wasn't perfect, and I know I didn't always have the things everyone else did, but that's why I am who I am. That's why I'm not greedy and why I never ask for anything, it's why I'm always trying to make people happy. My dad made mistakes, giant ones, that eventually cost him his life, but he also had so many accomplishments. I can think of six of them right now - three boys, and three girls. Those mistakes and accomplishments, together, formed me, formed my family.

So, no - Ollie, I wouldn't have had it any other way either. I can only hope he's out there somewhere and knows that I appreciate every ounce of his life. Every laugh, every argument, every tear.

Faith

Mum

Hey, hey!

Today has been pretty rough, in so many ways. It's probably been this way because last night was so rough. I'm going to keep mum on the details, well because I want to but it definitely was not my cup of tea.

I love the friends that I have but I seriously wish I could find people that are more like I am now. I would much rather be watching a movie, or listening to music at home than going out. I'm very aware that I can do that, and I'm not ever forced to go anywhere, but at the same time, who wants to sit at home by themselves all the time. I tested it out last weekend and it was a pretty uncool situation that I had on my hands.

Next week Holly is going to be on vacation, and I think I'll take advantage of that time to straighten my life out, and possibly find some new friends.

But for now, I have some damage control to do over here.

I'll be back tomorrow with bells on,
Faith

Drunk - Ass

Today, I remembered why I shouldn't drink. I still haven't drank anything since Tuesday when I failed the blog, hung out with hardcore bands, and almost died of a hangover.

But things just get so confusing and weird. I think back on things that I thought for sure happened one way, when they really happened a different way. It's irritating.

So, even though that I only drink once in a great moon anymore, I definitely have decided that I might hate it and it's gets on my nerves.

In other news, tonight, we go out drinking...!

Just kidding, tonight I'm going to get a facial and a pedicure at a Spa Party and then I guess I get to hang out for family night, unless I can find a way to get out of it, which means I need someone to hang out with me, so if there are any takers - uh, let me know.

For now, I feel like I'm probably going to throw up, and I need to take a shower to get all the dust and grime off of me from cleaning everything today.

I'll be back tomorrow, with silky smooth skin.

Faith