Sunday, January 10, 2010

Designated Faith


I've made it to day three. Well, as long as a meteor doesn't drop from the sky, or my house doesn't catch on fire before I post this. I think I can probably beat the odds though.

Last night I experienced something very different. I played Designated Driver. I've never played DD before for two reasons: the first being that for the most part I am always hammered. I could be wrong but I think to be a DD you have to be sober, don't hold me to that though. Reason number two is that up until recently when people were in the car while I was driving they either a) peed their pants or b) had a heart attack. I'm a terrible driver, and I have terrible road rage. I don't know where I get it from because my dad drove like he was 87 years old and my siblings are all pretty decent drivers. So, I guess along with being the black sheep of the family I also inherited terrible driving skills. Go figure.

Anyway, I get to this particular bar and sit down with my friends and immediately feel a little goofy. I'm wedged in between two people who have basically been drinking since the sun came up and I get to hear their random stories of the day. As I'm sitting there listening to my rambling friends I look up at the bar to see a girl in pink pajama bottoms and a belly shirt sitting next to a girl in a Lion's jersey. Wait, what?! A LIONS JERSEY. I was embarrassed for her, clearly her friends have not clued her in that the Lions are TERRIBLE and it hasn't been cool to wear their jersey since about 2002. Actually, I don't know if it was ever cool to wear a Lions Jersey. Anyway, Lions Jersey Janet and PJ Pam go back over to their table and I forget about them for a while.

In the mean time this guy that we dubbed White Cap Guy who was sporting a wedding band and apparently was from NC was making googly eyes at our table and buying rounds of Budweiser (against his will, this bar ran out of everything else...) One of my friends wanted to do karaoke with him and they were looking through the book together and she said "So, what song would your wife want us to sing?" and he was like "Uh, duh uhh Material Girl, Madonna..the one you said." Needless to say White Cap Guy was a complete and utter tool box. But he bought beer, so they let it slide.

As this is going on I see one friend flirting with some men that had to be in their mid 40's, another friend being hit on by a guy in an over sized, white, stained t shirt, and an old women with no teeth carrying around roses in a mini trash can trying to sell them. In the very mist of all of this Jersey Janet and PJ Pam get on stage. They sing "Barbie Girl." I cried from happiness. Just as I thought things couldn't get better, I see a DIFFERENT WHITE guy in a greasy, sweaty, white stained T shirt. His was also over sized but that was only because he was about 432lbs. As I watch him make his way to the stage a smile spreads across my face. I am going to see this man sing, I didn't care what he was singing, I just needed to see it happen...

I don't think I will be able to describe the pure bliss I felt when I heard "OH.MY.GOD.BECKY - Look at her butt.." I wasn't going to hear his sing, I was going to hear him RAP. When he started I knew that I could die right then and feel like I led a complete, happy life. He tore it up. He did dance moves and sang every single word without even looking. This is when I realized that Baby Got Back is what his life consisted of. No one knows every word to that song unless they've worked their entire lives to achieve it. That is also the point when I realized 2011's New Years Resolution. I am obviously going to learn the lyrics to Baby Got Back.

So all in all my stint as Designated Driver was a success. Everyone got home safely and I got to sleep like a rock without having the side effects of a hangover.

I'm sure entirely sure what's on my agenda for today. I know that "In the Land of Women" is on my DVR so hopefully I'll lay around and watch that. Perhaps I'll blog again, maybe I'll stumble upon my Alexander Graham Bell moment, or find The Great Perhaps. I doubt it though, that's for another day.

OH! Speaking of The Great Perhaps today is Alaska Young Day! If you have not read Looking for Alaska by John Green I highly recommend it. It's one of the best books I've ever had the pleasure of putting into my brains.


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