Week One Ends..

Hello One Week Mark!

Don't let my exclamation point fool you. I am in no mood to do anything today. Basically my body is screaming "Go to the doctor, you dumb fuck!" I literally feel like the pain monster has inserted a hook into my belly button and is wiggling it around in there trying to rip out all of my internal organs while simultaneously bashing my head in with a bag-o-bricks.

Awesome.

So, I have opted to not open the blinds, push the cushions back on the couch and watch everything on the DVR. For now anyway, at some point I need to do laundry, put together this week's Movie Night menu, and unload the dishwasher. I will not take a shower, get dressed, or take Macie for her daily walk - wait, who am I trying to kid? Macie hasn't been on a walk since last August, I was just trying to sound like I sometimes do things that are productive. Anyway, my point is that I feel like complete and utter garbage today and I want to do nothing but sleep.

I was still thinking about telling "The Bolles Harbor Bomber" story, but I'm really just not feeling into it. Plus I thought maybe I should tell The Bomber I'm going to write about him before I actually do. But that would mean that he would, you know, have to answer my phone calls or call me back once in a while. You'd think he was Justin Timberlake or something (Justin never answers my calls either - asshole.) Anyway, I don't see that happening so one day I will just have to run with it.

Don't you love how I keep making empty promises? I can see this is going to be a really healthy relationship...

Wait, shhh! Do you hear that? It's the couch calling my name. I have to go before he gets upset. Plus I'm just huuurrrtttinnnggg.

So, unless you're ridiculously good looking, plan on bringing me over food and drinks, or want to come do my laundry and rub my back - please stay away today.

Oh! You may come over if you can make that HORRIBLE banging sound from outside stop. Just make it stooooooppppppp. Please?!

Peace out my loves. I hope you're all having a better day than I am and just in case you're not, I leave you with this:




"Like fruit, children are sweetest just before they turn bad."