Recently I stumbled upon a Twitter account called "Shit My Dad Says." While this is a very funny account I can't help but think "Hmm, I did this first." Anyone who known me for the majority of the last five years knows that I had my "Dad Conversation" blogs. My dad was HILARIOUS. So because I'm still not feeling well, today I will just share some of my Dad Conversations today.
This first one took place right after I got a new kitten. We were watching it play with our Chinese Shar Pei, Rylee.
Dad Conversations 8/30/07 -
Me: Kim, you know you like her, just a little bit.
Kim: No, not really.
Me: You have to, just a little.
Kim: I don't like her enough to give her mouth to mouth resuscitation.
Me: What, are you going to strangle her?
Kim: NO, you know, if she is choking or something.
Me: Would you give Rylee mouth to mouth resuscitation?
Kim: No. Well...yeah.
Me: Dad, would you give Rylee mouth to mouth resuscitation?
Dad: My mouth isn't big enough.
Kim: You'd have to do it through his nose Ollie.
Dad: Well, maybe if he had a nose condom, other than that, he'd die.
Dad Conversation May 6th 12:30 am
I'm sitting on the floor of my living room and baby Jayden is sitting on the couch because he woke up, so I'm playing with him doing random faces, saying BOO!, and waving my fingers in front of his face. This is the conversation that followed.
Jayden: *Uncontrolled laughter*
Me: Why are you laughing at everything I do? Is it because you're tired and delusional?
Me: *More baby talk* Are you tired and delusional? Huh?
Dad: No, Jayden just say 'I'm tired of directing this movie.'
At this we all died of laughter, besides my dad, because it's Cinco De Mayo and he's wasted, and has no idea how funny it was.
Now just think about it.
Me sitting in front of Jayden's face doing stupid things and Jayden saying "I'm tired of directing this movie."
Dad Conversation April 23rd, 2007
Angie and I are sitting on the couch watching "Thank You For Smoking"
Angie is eating some beans and rice and sets it down, so I take it upon myself to grab it and take a bite of her rice.
Angie: What are you doing?
Angie: She just snatched it up when I went to get a drink
Dad: Yeah, well she does that on park benches too. Someone turns their head and she snatches a bite or three of their hamburger.
Dad: Well, if she doesn't now, she will in twenty years.
My dad had high aspirations for my life.
Dad Conversation March 3rd, 2007
Dad: Hey Flip..you know I'm a rockstar right?
Dad: No, really. I am..watch this!
*he started playing Streets of Love by the Rolling Stones on..air guitar* See THAT? Grade A Beefy Rock STAR. I could put Mick Jagger out of business
Dad: Okay..so you don't like the stones..I can do Prince..*Starts singing Purple Rain and playing air guitar again*
Dad: See that? Grade A skinny black man who turned himself into a symbol.*starts rapping* But sometimes man it just seems everybody only wants to discuss me..so this must mean im disgusting..but it's just me I'm just obsene.
Me: Oh, you can do Eminem too?
Dad: Yeah, I'm like Universal Studios.
Dad Conversation Tuesday Feb.20th
My dad was in the process of vacuuming our house and he's muttering random things to himself like "YEAH! That's the part I wanted to get..HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT FLOOR?" And then the vacuum got clogged and he ripped something very hairy out of the hose and this is how it went after:
Dad: YEAH HA! Look at that! I just did heart surgery on this son of a bitch!
Me: Heart Surgery huh? was it open heart?
Dad: No, just outter pulminary. But the good news is this hose will give you a pretty good hickie now.
Dad Conversation Monday Feb. 12th 2007
My dad just called the heating and cooling company to come and fix our heater and when he hung up the following conversation took place:
Dad: The guy asked if we were having a party and said he wouldnt come if we were.
Me: You're a story teller.
Angie: Yeah, he definitly didn't say that.
Dad: Okay, well whatever. You know how much this guy wants to come out here and take a look? $180.00!!!
Angie: Well, you got that in beer cans.
Those are just the first few I came across. Maybe I'll add some more sometime soon. For now the couch is calling me again, ughh!!
Have a happy Saturday!