Wednesday, June 16, 2010


"Life is a series of disappointments, but press on regardless."

Ever since I found that written in my 10th grade yearbook by my father a few months ago, I've tried to live by it. I've tried to ensure that no matter what was getting thrown at me, I just marched on through it, but now I'm stuck.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, and it seems everyone that could usually save me is stuck too. It's made me realize that there is only one person in the entire world you can depend on, and that's yourself.

No matter how much a person does for you, or cares about you, they'll never truly be able to save you. Only you can save you. Only I can save me.

I have been dealt disappointment after disappointment and they never fail to strike me right where it hurts. I've been sitting here for nearly a year of my life just waiting for someone to pull me out of this emotional nightmare, only to realize I've been going about it all wrong. No one's going to come to my rescue or be my knight in shining armor. Heroes and knights don't exist, being rescued doesn't ever really happen.

After much trial and error, I've realized that only I can save myself, but at the same time, only I can destroy myself. Right now, I'm on a path to self destruction. My soul is dying from the inside out and it's taken me so long to notice my wrinkling edges and my ashy texture. I'm lost.

But I know that for every trail that leads you in the wrong direction, there is one that will lead you in the right one.

Now all I have to do is decide:

Am I going to give up and let myself drown, so I can dream with the fishes. Or do blow up my raft and sail to tranquility?

It's not far back to Paradise - at least it's not for me.
I guess it's time to press on.


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