Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Last night I had a dream that I was driving my dad around town, and his car kept malfunctioning, and he wasn't even yelling at me about the malfunctions or my driving.

I woke up realizing that I've started to miss the little things about him, even the things that irritated me, and not just him as a whole. I kind of would like to hear him yell about my "below par driving skills" and laugh until he's weezing at the same joke he had been telling for the last 15 years. There were many little silly things about him that I JUST MISS. I kind of think it's starting to make me crack up. I opened a drawer today to look for something to wear and saw one of his shirts and just started smelling it. Who smells clothes? I've gone through death so many times, I've lived it over and over but never anything like this. I thought I was being the strong one, holding it together for everyone, but now it just seems little by little, I'm losing it.

It's taken me a really long time to write this blog today. My editor has been sitting open practically all day and here it is, nearly 9pm and I just don't know what to say. I feel lost for words, for the first time in a long while.

It's a weird feeling.

For now I'm just going to try and lose myself in a book for a while before I slip into dream land, where hopefully I'll get a little relief.

Have a good day.

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