Thursday, March 4, 2010

Jesus of Suburbia


Sometimes I just do not get people. I can be a kind of shy person sometimes, not too often but on occasions I'm a TINY bit standoffish. I can totally understand people being like that sometimes. What I DO NOT GET is people who are like that all the time. I was just on Facebook trying to be nice to a girl from my past and I was explaining things and being really nice, and while she was giving me polite answers back, they were way too short for my liking. If I remember correctly when she was not a person in my past, and still very much in my present I tried engaging her in conversations and basically got the same reaction. I'm a talker, I like to talk, and say things and give details and I guess I need to start understanding that not everyone is like me. I mean, I get it, if you're not a talker, you're not a talker but I think I'm one of those people who just does not understand when someone doesn't want to talk to me. I KNOW that I am ridiculously friendly, I'm sarcastic and I'm hilarious, what is not to like?

Okay just kidding, but in reality it's a very rare occurrence for me when I can't hold a conversation with someone. In my prior experience I've basically been able to get the most quite, shy people talking and this girl will just NOT break. I tried for so many years to be her friend, and even though she was always very friendly, she just never seemed interested in actually having a real conversation with me. Lately I've had a theory though, I met her when I was in middle school. I believe it was my last year of middle school though, my dad was wild, and I was loud. That right there might have been her trigger to stay away. Once high school started she probably heard stories from other family members about our wild party ways and just wasn't interested. So I guess I get why she stayed mum back then. Now it's a different story though but perhaps she thinks I'm still that girl, the X poppin', vodka chugging, blue haird punk? I'm not that girl anymore though, I've changed in so many ways. I think we all did. I don't know how it happened but basically everyone I partied with back then snapped out of it, we all are very decent people now.

The more I write this out, the more I realize that I've probably been being judged for years, haven't I? I don't know how I never recognized it before but it definitely seems like the only answer to my mind boggling questions. I don't want to be judged, but it's been happening. Mother fuck. I thought only God could judge me? Is she the Jesus of Suburbia?

Truthfully though, I really do understand that she may not have been judging me at all, she MAY just be a quiet girl, who doesn't talk much. I just get this feeling now though because my family, friends and I were so much different than her family and friends. It's just the only logical reason why she wouldn't even bat a lash at my charming ways.


P.S Question - Am I being judged, or is she just a shy girl? OH! The possibilities! Oh, and yes, I did quote Green Day. I'm definitely still awesome.

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