I don't want to write today.
Today it's been 19 years since my mom died, and it's the first time in my life I didn't have my dad around to help us deal with it. I've been more depressed about that fact than I have about it being mom's death day.
So basically Holly and I have been keeping ourselves busy. We woke up and had breakfast, then hung out around the house for a while. After we went over to Hannah's grandma's to hang out with the family for a little while and 20 questions Hannah's friend boy. We went to a few places after that but have basically been sitting home ever since. We never did make it out to the cemetery, I'm not exactly sure why but I kind of don't think I'd have been up for it anyway.
I'm trying so hard to get something out here that even slightly resembles a blog, but it's so hard to find anything to say. I honestly don't get it. Nearly every year on this date the words are flowing from my finger tips but this year, I have nothing. I don't really feel any more sad than I usually do. I mean, I didn't know my mom, she died just weeks before I turned two, but I always like to have something nice and grateful to say about her. I know she was an amazing woman and she put up a hell of a fight but that's really all I know, and all I ever will know.
Behind all the feelings of confusion and all of my "I don't knows" I do know one thing, I need my dad today. The fact that he can't be here, and will never be here again is killing me.
At least I have a slight hope that where ever they are, they're finally together again.
P.S I don't have any energy to spell check or grammar check - so if it's horrible looking and sounding - I'm sorry, I guess.